OH OOPS HI I SKIPPED SO WHAT LOL no I'm sorry please love me

Heh
Um.
hehe.
er
two... weeks? or is it three?
ER
UM
HEH









IM SORRY
to no one in particular cuz lol I dunno who reads this
SORRY TO ME THEN
I just- hey- I can explain!
Okay, so on the first week I didn't update, the internet kinda went real shitty and there was nothing I could do about it, and then I waited for the next weekend, and we had to take care of two absolutely adorable corgis for a week so I was kinda busy fawning over them, then third week came, today, and here I am!

Amazing story if I say so myself.

So uh how are you?
good? good..

oh!

sO

I had already submitted my portfolio for the university and the digital design major on September 30th, but I went to the talk on October 9th and sat for almost two hours, cringing as I realised I should have waited a little more, I learned so freaking much and now I'm crazy nervous!! I re-checked my portfolio once I got back and I notices so much grammar issues. I was swearing up a storm when I saw my own mistakes, it's so stupid. The marker hates grammar mistakes and clichés like 'ever since I was little' and 'art is my life' bullshit and UGHHGHGHHGHG I was just trying to be honest with my portfolio ;;;;-;;;;

And also, I had been staring at the EB games website wanting to get Legend Of Zelda Link between worlds (it said it was in stock! bonus- CLEARANCE SALES!!!) but once I got there, well, THE DIDNT FUCKING HAVE IT

the guy said 'oh we don't update the website much' YOU FUCKING LITTLE SHIT THIS IS YOUR FUCKING JOB DO IT BETTER FUCKING PIECE COCK SUCKING LIMP WAISTED LAMP HUMPING EAGLE JERKING TITTY FUCK

And so after standing in my corner rather angry, emotional, upset and very frustrated, I was determined to at least buy something. I brought an envelope of money, AND I PLAN TO USE IT

So I bought a Link amiibo and pre-ordered the LOZ game; Triforce heroes.

So there's that.
Oh and ALSO
ARMAGEDDON SLOWLY APPROACHES
even more so
PAPA IS COMING BACK FROM CHINAAAAAAAAAA
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
jk

Is this a dream or is this a dream>????????!!>? speaking of dreams...

Ladies and gentlemen we are on schedule!
I'm so proud.
It's the little things that count :D

In the topic of being on time, I actully wrote the 'title' for this post yesterday. So writing my blog right now... I have no idea what the title is about.
Oh!
I think I was talking about how its a dream that I posted on time...?
Yeah.
That must be it.

And speaking of dreams! I'm on my periodddddddddddd~!
How is this relevant you ask? Well, it usually drains my energy on the first day and makes me feel sick and tired, so I ended up taking a nap. Its usually lasts for an hour or more, and I hate these afternoon naps. Because what happens is that I wake up confused, unaware of time and space, wandering how time I've lost, what happened and where everybody is. The first thing I always do when it happens is always call out for someone. Yesterday when I woke I called out for my mum, totally confused and scared. That's the thing about these naps. It rejuvenates me but it makes me feel worried, confused, lonely and scared. So after wandering around my house calling after my mum, I settled down and did whatever I did yesterday.
Is it just me that gets this? This, confusion?
hmm

Another note worthy thing is that I found some nicely priced Legend of Zelda Ocarina of time 3ds games on amazon and I am desperate for them. With Papa in china, the economy is different in money value and I'm praying like crazy that he buys it for me. I've already begged for it on kakao and after making my clear statement of 'If you don't buy it, I won't love you anymore. I'll hate you.", he agreed to buy it. After that I told him I loved him with shit loads of emoticons.
See that? That's how you get what you want. you give them the stick then the carrot. In my case, harass, threaten, then compliment. Throw the plate and the cutlery before you throw the cake.
Actually, I threw the cupcakes first, and when that didn't work, I did the other stuff.

Threats are the best, especially if the other person values what you threaten.
And that's all for today!
Other than cutting my finger while cutting onions and wasting my time on the city because some bullshit people and feeling shit about my 'art', there really is nothing to report on with my silly excuse for a life.
merrrrp
man who really reads my shit?

What is life. Life is nothing if you live like me

There I go again, being late for an update in my sorry excuse for a life.
Imagine, if I cant even weekly update a blog that has no word limit nor certain aspects to be accomplished in order for me to be assessed and achieved, how the heck am I supposed to survive in University?

I guess I better just shove my nose on a plate and die.
It's a korean phrase Don't worry about it.

Now what is there in my life that is worth noting? hmm...
Well, besides this crippling fear that I'm not doing anything with my time worthwhile, not much I guess.

So let's talk about things that we all have in common as human beings; The fear that nothing is worth nothing.
Reading it, of course it makes sense. Nothing will of course equivilate to nothing. (Oh and yes, I am aware that equivilate is not something you will find in the dictionary, nor is it an available word on scrabble. But I believe people should not be afraid to expand on words and creating new ones to express a thought further. But that's another topic to cover.) Nothing will mean nothing as the Dictionary would also state. But when one believes they are doing nothing, well, everything about them and their actions seem... The same. Nothing. and it leaves you feeling sore and empty.

It sucks when that thought hits you like a train carrying logs and building materials out of nowhere. You're there, maybe doing your homework, watching entertainment, playing games, or drawing, and the thought smacks you so hard you might as well be shitting a tonne of bricks with a stoic face.
I know my sentence doesn't make any sense but hear me out. I find expressing my thoughts difficult with proper grammar, not because its so emotional, but because I'm shit at grammar.

The struggles of being a gap year student for me is feeling like nothing. I made all these grand promises to accomplish so much, but its already September and I'm constantly given a reminder of how I'm an utter failure by my daily routine of wake up late, have brunch, draw and watch youtube, 3hrs outside doing tutoring, back, eat, defecate, wash, games, sleep.
It's the same process again and again and again and the days blur together to the point I ask if its friday or sunday. I can't tell.

I have little to none social life and when I do find the chance to talk to my friends I'm over the top because geez hey, I'm excited! I'm like that caveman who hasn't seen a fire before.

Gap year is great if you have money, ambition, courage, and social life. If you don't have any of them, you end up as a slob like me, slowly gathering money to use for University while taking a shit in the same corner.

Speaking of university, I'm scared shitless that I wont get in.

Absence and future link hubby

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It doesnt matter if no one reads tese, IT IS MY COMMITMENT MY DUTY MY THING
And I have not been updating it weekly DX

But like, there's nothing for me to say anyway...
Like..... Wel, yes this blog is the daily struggles of a gap year student...
oh wait
oh yeah
theres that thing

Well the thing about being a gap student is that parents do not appreciate gap years where you're slowly earning money and also having a good time by sitting in front of the computer playing games, drawing shit and watching videos.

So there's the constant, from my dad, that I should go travel more and that I'm wasting my precious gap year.
BUT MEH

Travel freaks me out, I prefer the comfort of my walls, ahhhh so peaceful... and quiet... and lonely.....................................................................
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..
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.
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Its kay
kay

Oh
speaking of being social, I have a goal.
Since my big plan is going to university next year, I'll be meeting a lot of people, and my main mission is to get my FUTURE LINK HUBBY.

My future link husband.

He (well me but you get the point) will give birth to my future link baby, and thus must have blue eyes and blonde hair. Of course, he also need to have the traits of a hero. He must be strong, courageous, brave, intelligent, and funny cuz I dont know, I find Link hilarious XD

I'll be scouting for my future hubby day and night at the university campus, holding a banner out and sending fliers out to others.

Remember, University is basically an expensive dating website.
A really, REALLY expensive dating website that doesn't work more than half of the time (says the human that has no experience at all)

Oops I dun it again + Friendship!

Yes
Yes I've done it again,
I forgot to update on my blog.
FUCK!!

I mean yeah, its not a big deal, its just a blog, but man I made a commitment when I made this! Once a week! It aint too hard Jay!
SIGH.

Well, There truly isnt much to report on though.
I mean, yeah I get up, eat, take a shit, wash, draw, do something, play games, on workdays go to work for two hours and walk back, the same old same old!

Well, I made a new friend online? I guess that's the only exciting thing I can think of. She is incredible. Like, I've never held such fun daily conversations with anyone else before. Its so funny how you can be such good friends with people overseas than you be with your real friends that lives only 30 minutes away from you. Kinda sad really...

....
Oh man I made myself all sad and shit Dx
It's just so hard to find people that have the same interests as you, and I always find it easier to make conversations with people older than me. The new friend's married! And I feel like I'm closer to her than some of my other friends whom I've know for years. (Well except my Best Friend, code name Mojo jojo, She's been my bestie since forever :3)

Where was I going with this? oh yeah.
Friendship!
Let's talk about that shall we?
Friendship. It's such a fickle thing. One minute you'd do anything for them. Next minute you want to push them over a cliff. Some people say it's no big deal, it aint nothin, but hey now, you're not comprehending the true depths about the social minds we possess. Humans are social animals. we need social interactivity, That's a number one thing we need the most. And when we find that someone to talk to, we want to tell them everything. But who can we trust? For all we know, they're lying, manipulative back stabbers. or maybe they're genuine.
It's sort of like a leap of faith.

Another thing about friendship is, a true friend is there when you need them. I'm talking about the small stuff that sometimes we brush off as nothing. I discussed this situation with my ma, and at the end she was sailing like a sailor because she was pissed off  how ignorant a friend could be. Let me give you a full picture here;
A friend you have can give you the greatest birthday present you could have ever thought off. it's thought out, it has effort, and you're so moved, it really touches you. A few months later, you need a real small favor, it won't even take a minute. You ask your friends and how do they respond? with excuses. excuses in why they cant do it, over and over even though you persist. now think to yourself, is that a true friend? I really brushed it off because I find it less troublesome to see the negative in every little thing, but my ma was outraged when I told her about it 5 months later.

So what are your thoughts? In my opinion, they're still your friends, just not as close as you think. a close friend is someone like mojo jojo. Who gets your jokes and swear words and jumps in the band wagon, who runs her way to you even though you tell her you're leaving in ten minutes and she's more then 20 minutes away. A close friend is someone who still runs to meet you even though you can talk to her for less than 5 minutes, someone who immediately accepts your favor without question and eases your stress and tension. That's a close friend. That's a true friend. That's a best friend you can ever ask for. As amazing birthday presents can feel, it's the small things that really show. To be honest, I havent given her a present yet! I should really work on that haha.

Remember! better present aint nothin! Mojo jojo gave me a bag full of some stuff that I don't really care about, but I love her more hahaha! Good presents feel good for a snap shot moment in life. good friends, well, they're just forever there you know?

You know she's special if you guys constantly swear at each other and never feel offended :)

I realised how this blog post is just EVERYWHERE. It's so inconsistent HAHAHAHA

Jet fuels and big ugly inside out tears

I found it.

I finally fucking found it.

Now you may be wondering- oh gee what did this crazy lunatic that talks about periods find?

Let me tell ya

listen up

LISTEN UP

I
Found
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What I want to study!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen and many other different pronouns, I have finally come to a comcluded decision of what I want to study at university. I mean, about time! The whole point of this gap year was, other than shit scared and unprepared, was to find what I wanted to study for 2016. I was so conflicted and felt like absolute shit about my future, but after much research (eh, only 2 hrs or so. maybe more?), I have come to the most beautiful conclusion my heart could take.

I am going to study Digital Design with a minor in either Cinematic arts or Game and play design.

That is, if I get in.

So currently I'm planning out my portfolio buttt I'm still shit scared about the process. the alarming thoughts that are going through my head are;

"Do I have enough credits??"
"Do they still count my NCEA scores from last year since I'm a gap student?"
"Am I making the right choices?"
"Can jet fuel melt steel beams??"
"Poop?!?"

And thus concludes today's blog post diary thing wut

Oh and I watched Inside out,
What the Fuck Pixar.
Why do you always make me cry so blimmin much.
WASNT IT ENOUGH WHEN YOU TOOK MY CHILDHOOD TOYS AWAY AND MADE ANDY GROW UP?!!?!?! WASNT IT ENOUGH GODDAMMIT WHEN YOU MADE ELI DIE AND MAKE US WATCH THEIR HAPPY LIVES TOGETHER FOR 6 MINUTES JESUS WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME
//SOBS AND WAILS LIKE A WHALE//

nothing interesting except MY LIFE BEING SUCKED DRY

I've committed myself to post one blog post a week, but unfortunately I could't uphold my promise, thus this is a bit later then the normal schedule.

why?

Because fire emblem awakening, that's why.
Ever since I got that blasted game on nintendo I've been playing it everyday. It's literally sucking the life out of me. My whole life revolves around a cartridge that has an equal weight to a pen, and smaller than my eraser.

I never saw myself as an RPG strategy gamer. I always saw them as boring and could never see myself playing any of them. Then in stormed fire emblem with its big black c**k, swinging it around like mad, breaking in to my room and shoving all that amazing plot and character down my throat.

*sigh*

I've only played 35 hours on it, but I hope it lasts forever.
Other then my complete obsession over a game, there's, once again, nothing exciting to record into a blog of a gap year student  who has great dreams and ambitions, but does nothing at all.

One 'exhilarating' thing I guess I did experience, although I would call it more like 'terrifying' was the inability to breathe. I'm not talking about hyperventilation or having my nose blocked. It was a sensation and experience that every time I took a breathe, even a shallow one, my heart and lungs felt like they were clenching up and suffocating me. It would be a sharp, awful pain in my heart, making me almost unable to breathe. With lots of disgusting crying, pain killers and a trip to the hospital, I'm fine and I'm taking inflammation tablets to help the muscles.

So yup.
EH

Periods. Periods everywhere. I'M COVERED IN BLOOOOOOOOOODDDOHNOES

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT

A blog is supposed to have a theme.

It's basically a website for people with common interests to look at and enjoy themselves or whatever. Most blogs are travel, make up, food, or their amazing shopping haul 'cause they're fucking rich or they rich ass uncles that won't leave them alone unless they buy something new like a Gucci bag for their precious princess.

Well I don't have a theme. I could probably never stick to a single theme since I'm always thinking of different things and I get bored easily. If I were to have one though, It would basically be a stream of nonsensical thoughts and the shenanigans I wish I went through with friends that are not very social with me.

Oh and last week I had my monthly~~ (my period duh)
Yes, I am saying this on a blog because who cares. Every women will have it, no need to be embarrassed like an annoying school girl going under under puberty who's afraid her pad is leaking in the middle of lunch break as she tries to flirt her way in to her crush's pants.
As I was saying, yes I had it, and it's so annoying when you know its coming but you don't catch it on time. Humans with vags, you know what I'm saying. One day your back starts hurting and your stomach feels funny. you know you're going to have your period real soon. a few days go past and you end up wasting your ultra thin pads. You're watching tv with the family when - BAM- blood.

Well, that's not a really accurate depiction.
It's more like "Oh is bullshit coming out of my vag again" and you don't really do anything until you realise that bullshit is coming out at a rate that should not be.
And now you're standing in your room or the toilet with your favourite underwear soaked in red, and for any men that are somehow reading this that are not sure how it looks like, imagine a rat decided to viciously bite your balls off and now it left this bleeding dirty mess in your pants.

the first three days for me are always the worst. The WORST.
You can barely move because it hurts so much but if you don't move its uncomfortable. So what you end up doing is lying in bed downing Panadol every four hours and doing little twitches and cries cuz JESUS there's like a huge monster red hand inside your stomach that is just grabbing and pulling.

I will try give my accurate depiction of how MY period pain feels like.
Your stomach is pulling everything in and just clawing at everything within the range of it (the womb) and you're basically writhing. One cannot simply describe it as pain. It's different from a 'chinese burn' sort of pain. It's UNCOMFORTABLE. It sends your mind in this frenzy where you can't concentrate or think straight and all you can think of is this draining energy and blood coming our every second. You can LITERALLY feel the bleeding of womb. Seriously. And because you feel so awful, you end up being rather awful for a few days. Can you blame us? Can you be happy and chipper while you're bleeding?

It's only people with vaginas or people with some internal bleeding that can literally say "I'm bleeding inside" and actually mean it.

People out there who joke about girls being on their periods, aye, it ain't that funny. It's okay to joke, but don't go too far.

Wow I was going to talk about how my week was but all I talked about was periods. Woops?

The creation of a blog

They say the best way to start off anything is always best with some toilet humour, but since I can't think of any, I guess I'm off to a bad start.

Living in New Zealand is excellent. We have all the finest comforts, such as the lack of insulation in many homes, high prices of homes, the inability for many people to buy homes; basically living in a house is darn expensive.

The education is great here. We have little knowledge of the history of many other countries other than ours, and we all know the history of New Zealand is a great conversation starter when speaking to the rest of the world. If an American started a conversation about his patriotic nation, in all honesty I would be enraptured.

I hope my sarcasm is clearly shown dripping all over the words, except for the american history part, I would love a conversation regarding that.

I feel like I'm going off in a tangent. What am I even talking about. I guess this is the basic taste of the format of all my blogs. A stream of thoughts that go through my head uninterrupted. Great, no one's going to read my s**t.

I guess the best way to finish is informing you - you somehow reading this - and by you I mean I don't know, whoever is reading this I guess? - of why I started a blog.

Well, if you're going to struggle about the minutiae things, its best to share with others, right?

Welp that's it, have a lovely day everyone.

Oh and my sister asked me what year it was. I should have said it was 2002 or something.