What is life. Life is nothing if you live like me

There I go again, being late for an update in my sorry excuse for a life.
Imagine, if I cant even weekly update a blog that has no word limit nor certain aspects to be accomplished in order for me to be assessed and achieved, how the heck am I supposed to survive in University?

I guess I better just shove my nose on a plate and die.
It's a korean phrase Don't worry about it.

Now what is there in my life that is worth noting? hmm...
Well, besides this crippling fear that I'm not doing anything with my time worthwhile, not much I guess.

So let's talk about things that we all have in common as human beings; The fear that nothing is worth nothing.
Reading it, of course it makes sense. Nothing will of course equivilate to nothing. (Oh and yes, I am aware that equivilate is not something you will find in the dictionary, nor is it an available word on scrabble. But I believe people should not be afraid to expand on words and creating new ones to express a thought further. But that's another topic to cover.) Nothing will mean nothing as the Dictionary would also state. But when one believes they are doing nothing, well, everything about them and their actions seem... The same. Nothing. and it leaves you feeling sore and empty.

It sucks when that thought hits you like a train carrying logs and building materials out of nowhere. You're there, maybe doing your homework, watching entertainment, playing games, or drawing, and the thought smacks you so hard you might as well be shitting a tonne of bricks with a stoic face.
I know my sentence doesn't make any sense but hear me out. I find expressing my thoughts difficult with proper grammar, not because its so emotional, but because I'm shit at grammar.

The struggles of being a gap year student for me is feeling like nothing. I made all these grand promises to accomplish so much, but its already September and I'm constantly given a reminder of how I'm an utter failure by my daily routine of wake up late, have brunch, draw and watch youtube, 3hrs outside doing tutoring, back, eat, defecate, wash, games, sleep.
It's the same process again and again and again and the days blur together to the point I ask if its friday or sunday. I can't tell.

I have little to none social life and when I do find the chance to talk to my friends I'm over the top because geez hey, I'm excited! I'm like that caveman who hasn't seen a fire before.

Gap year is great if you have money, ambition, courage, and social life. If you don't have any of them, you end up as a slob like me, slowly gathering money to use for University while taking a shit in the same corner.

Speaking of university, I'm scared shitless that I wont get in.